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The Teachings of Chiun

What is "Sinanju"?

Sinanju is Sinanju.
This is a simple lesson.
It is not ninjutsu.
It is not kung fu.
It is not karate.
It is not jiu jitsu.
It is not tae kwon do.
And it is certainly not savate, which is a thing only fit for the French,
who are the only people inferior to white people.

Sinanju is the sun source of all these things-except savate, whose origins are, fortunately, lost to civilization, i.e., unknown in Korea. Sinanju is the ultimate martial art. All others are pale reflections of its glory and misguided attempts to apply its wisdom by those who have been brushed by its shadow. These things are but pieces. Sinanju is the whole. Sinanju is perfection.


How was the first Korean made?

When the supreme being created man, he put a lump of clay in the cosmic oven. And when he took it out, he said, "It is underdone. This is no good. I have created a white man." Then he put in another lump of clay in the oven, and to compensate for his error, he left it in longer. When he took it out, he said, "Oh, I have failed again. I have left it in too long. This is no good. I have created a black man." And then he put in another lump of clay in the oven, this time a superior clay, molded with more care and love and integrity, and when he took it out, he said, "Oh, I have done it just right, I have created a yellow man."

And then to this man in whom he was pleases, he gave a mind. To the Chinese he gave lust and dishonesty. To the Japanese he gave arrogance and greed. To the Koreans he gave honesty, courage, integrity, discipline, beauty of thought, heart, and wisdom. And because he had given them so much, he said, "I shall also give them poverty and conquerors because they have been given more already than any other men on earth. They are truly the perfect people in my sight, and in their wonderfulness, I am well pleased."


What was your first meeting with Remo like?

And lo, did Chiun, the Master of Sinanju, see the groveling white amid the garbage of his birth. Deformed of limb was he. Dull of eye he was, with strange round orbs set in his head. But most deformed, saw the Master of Sinanju, was this white in his mind. A dull, sodden lifeless mass in his ugly pale skull.

And lo, the Master of Sinanju said unto this wretch, "Arise, I shall make you whole. You shall know your senses and your mind. You shall breathe clean air fully in your whole body. You shall have life in you as no white has ever had. " And the wretch knew that grace was upon him, and he said, "Oh, Awesome Magnificence, why do you bestow such gracious gifts upon one as low as I?"

And to this question answered the Master, "I bestow these gifts upon you because, although you are white, in your heart you are a Korean. Although you have been an eater of meat and a drinker of alcohol, the things I have taught you you have mastered better than any white, and there is great promise in your mind and in your limbs. Because of these things, and because of your truly Korean heart, I give you what no white has ever before known, I give you Sinanju."

And the wretch thereupon fell to his knees, giving praise to his Master, and promising to be a worthy pupil.

Which, of course, was a typical white lie.


Could you kill a close friend?

Yes, but only if paid in advance.


How do you deal with people?

Ignore those you can and remove those you can't, but do not get angry. If you are walking through the woods, you do not get angry at a tree that happened to grow up directly in your path. The tree could not help it. It existed. You do not sit on the ground in front of the tree and lecture it. You ignore it. And if you cannot ignore it, you remove it. So you must act with people. They are, for the most part, like trees. They do what they do because they are what they are.


What is good?

Good is when you do something that helps the Master of Sinanju. That is good. Good is bringing me  my simple chestnut. That is good. Bringing me Barbara Streisand would be even better but I would settle for a chestnut. Bringing gold and diamonds for my village is good. That is good.

What you think is good is moral nonsense. Chestnuts are good. Moving correctly is good. Not being sloppy is good. Breathing correctly is good.


If Remo has learned only one thing from you over the years, what do you hope it is?

Cash only, no checks!